Went back to raffles girls pri to visit my precious girls ...miss them. and gonna be their last year in the school . deja vu.. they created such a rackus when i got there. for a moment , i felt like a movie star.. lol.... happy childrens' day gers!
My dylan this morning with the toy that made him cry cause he cld not stuff the whole thing into the mouth....

sigh. super duper tired ....seems like my battery has worn out again after the trip to taipei.was t
:(quite fast huh...worse dylan has developed a new style of being made to sleep during my absence..* shrug* shall not talk about it.was tearing last night cause milk supply dwindling then dylan was so difficult ( or maybe i am just tired).he kept calling shouting or maybe screaming on the bed as if to beckon somebody to carry him. but both maid and i were afraid to carry him cause he din look tired, else it will take a longer time for him to sleep, i know sometimes baby just wanna be picked up and hugged, but i know dylan, he wants to be carried FOR A LONG TIME!!! and we cant make it a habit.however,in the end i gave up , pick him up , did the whole mumbo jumbo on top of his protests and forced him to sleep. it is so amazing why he refuses to sleep when he starts yawning when being carried. It is obvious that he is tired. i think my baby does not know to relax, and his stupid mother also dunno how to make him relax. think i am a bad horrible mom.:( but then i have already tried! i patted him , shhh him to calm him , only works sometimes. i feel so guilty to make him cry before he sleep cause he surely protest. poor baby, then he sometimes will sulk, or sob in his sleep. oh well, let me think of it this way, he will outgrow it....cant wait for 5 months. lol...then i will have new sets of prob coming in on top the fun i have with him.

but this morning was sweet. he woke up at 5.30am, and started to smile at me. i was lying down beside him in the semi darkness. and stroking his cheeks, and he smiled even more. :) you just feel so happy when his eyes interlock with yours.

My favourite boy did it again last night....woke at 3 am plus for a feed and then did not sleep till 4 . 30 am...well just cause he is really a light sleeperor rather when he is in the light cycle of sleep , the slightest of noise can wake him up.and last night the terrapins tok a plunge at the WRONG TIME and voila....! Dylan's arms started frailing again and up he is calling and cooing.Makes me so exasperated. oh, dun bother to describe how i make him sleep again...


another thing is that i almost wanted to stop breastfeeding...but after enquiring in the forum , it does actually provides a certaind degree of immunity but of course not fullproof, cuase many other factors come into play. so everymorning mama has to eat like 10 over pills, 1 fish oil, 1 Obmirin, 4 fenugreek, 1 domperidone, 2 cordyceps.then STILL NOT MUCH MILK. sibe jialat.ok ok, i try to be more diligent and pump...


i have been carrying this 8 kg with my skinny arms out for walks in the evenings...he always tilts his head to look at the trees, eyes big big... i look forward to the day that i point out every single flora and fauna to him ;D

I think i am a lil crazy.....on the planes...from hk back to sg, and then recently from sg to taiwan , i have been listening to KOYOTE , and absolutely love their songs... and i fantasize ( in appropriate a word to use?) the day that i can hold Dylan's hands and dance and prance around the house with him to this music... especially the first song. Ilove rock and roll......AND YOU KNOW WHAT? i dun even know what the song means..

wah lau....no point breastfeeding already la....

http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1660962,00.html

Taiwan was a good getaway from the stress...ironically , like i said I missed Dylan so much . But that did not mean i had no fun. once on the plane, ( tho dear sat business class) i had like 5 yo 6 glasses of chardonnay... lol.....well, i could hardly touch wine when i breast feed, and fortunately towards the end i could plonk myself in the business section cause there were empty seats sit beside dear.haha, lucky or what.But really must thank dear for paying like 1.2k for my plane ticket cause it was so last minute ...and he really did try hard to upgrade me to business class, well anyway towards the end i did sit in it. Mind you ,it was the new SQ plane some more.

ok ok, enough about the swa ku lady raving...once we reached Taipei, it was POURING...cus of the typhoon, i cause of the chardonnay, i knocked out when hit the bed....snored till morning... and had a withdrawal dylan syndrome in the morning...went to SOGO the new and the old one, but gave up half way, reminded me of tokyo 109 and bloody ex and pointless.so i left the building halfway and stormed the smaller shops in the streets. oooooooo.....totally wonderful...which left me on another guilt trip :P Went to DFS in the hotel after that and at night we dined at DOZO which was a really cool izakaya restaurant which had a runway once you enter and the waitress will shout" irashirimase" and everyone else will chorus it. BUT DEAR DIN LIKE IT CUS IT WAS TOO NOISY.....nonetheless we had hot sake, yum yum. the food was nothing to rave about though. Afterwhich we went to rao he night market. which reminded me of temple street in hong kon , so nothing to rave about. Like they said, been to one night market, been to all. and nope i din buy any shoes cus no point la, i dun want to be chasing dylan in too many a high heels...besides, the quality not all that good.

Second day , i met dear in taipei 101, once again , it was totally boring cus the shops were a total repeat of the DFS at the hotel, so ex and pointless( cant spend more after my chanel rampage) , had lunch at a good chinese restaurant. After which i took a cab back to sogo again, this time i was determined to find some good food stalls, came across this biscuit shop. ( kobayashi) which a queue had formed outside , bought some biscuits to bring home , then went to a KONBINI shop, and decided i get dear 2 coke light and a heineken beer, also bought some tea eggs ....and took a cab back. but what a fool i had been, i was soaking in the tub and then took a sip of the coke light and almost spat it out, tot i drank the beer instead, blinked again and nope realised it was COORS LIGHT, a bloody deceiving coke light look alike...ohh whadda cock i am.so pissed off..too lazy to go out after that and took a good 3 hour nap:) which was luxury ......at night we went to ximending and had porridge there....yadayadayada...i am getting tired describing everything.but to sum it all, i had fun and rest. now ....a refreshed mama again.

Dylan dylan dylan was all i could think about when i was in Taipei the first day. Well it din help that my first day was a rainy day due to the typhoon .Withdrawal symptoms so bad that i cried , well a little , and went on a bad guilt trip when i was alone in the hotel room and dear was at work. then i forced myself to get out of the room after trying to cheer myself up with an American breakfast...oooo, i think i spent a lot on overseas phone call to my mom to check on Dylan. hiak hiak...and also started every morning looking at past photos of Dylan in the camera...

anyway, more updates later...too busy now.

I hope that dylan gives the maid and my MIL an easy time when i am away in Taiwan, so they dont try anytg funny , and then let him get used to it. Hope they are able to read his cues, cause i have been training the maid to read them , especially those of his being tired.His ritual is like this, he will sit in his chair and play and coos to you . Then the eye rubbing part comes, and he becomes a rudolph cause his nose turns red too, then he starts sucking his fists succulently, and gets more and more agitated. Now he calls out for people to carry him , if you dun he starts screaming....so you must pick him up and carry him and lean him against your shoulder, he will quieten down when you pat his back and chant SHH SHH...... if not , pop a pacifier into his mouth , change carrying position and then he will suckle and then rock a little bit and chant SHH SHH.. his eyes will close, but he will protest if overlytired, and might reject pacifier.but you persist with this child , and soon he will be quiet and you immediately put him on the bed and turn him to the side and pat him to sleep with him hugging a bolster. Wow....quite a hefty huh.Well that's spiderpig for you.

It is very obvious that Mr Zhai wakes up habitually at 3 am and 5/6am plus daily., whereas arms and legs will start to frail at 12am plus to 1 am.Now we see a pattern developing.... it's useless to teach him to sleep on his own cus he creates a din. and i cant take it.I stopped cluster feeding. i think it will create a whole new set of problems: 1) what if he does not take in all the milk, do i still feed him at 3 am? 2) No matter how i tickle his chin, he will not have a suckling action. he sleeps like a pig if he wants. Full stop. 3) Endang and MIL will not persist when i am in Taiwan and my efforts will go to waste.4) No matter what , he will still wake at 3 am and 5 am plus.

So there. we are back to old schedule. Dylan's arms will frail at midnight, i will pin them down lying beside him....------wrong action cause it is accidental parenting. but who cares. If it. frails even more, i carry him to put on my chest and we sleep. we both will sweat like pigs.Next i will wake an hour later put him back on the mattress. Then he will wake at 3 am plus.....cry cry, so drink milk. hope he sleeps. if he does----good. if not we will burp him , put him on chest to unwind him, if he protest, lay him down, give him bolster to jostle, then he will start to yawn, rub eyes, then wait a while longer, i wil pick him up , give him the pacifier, then rock a bit, he might cry / might not, depending on how sleepy is he, then his eyes will start to close, i will quickly lay him down and turn him to the side. and pat him to sleep. still i must stay next to him even if those eyes are close, just in case.then i will sleep with one hand on his butt.

goood, at least now we have a stupid routine.
Oh, ya, i dunno y he always shits when he drinks his milk...bad habit. bad bad bad habit.

Disaster Disaster Disaster....with a capital D. Tried cluster feeding again, this time Dylan din take all in only 90 at 9pm and then 100 again at 11 pm. Supposed to be 120 to 140ml.....this time arms din frail that much , but he woke at 2 plus crying. so i did the PUPD again , cause shhushing him din work , he kept arching his back and crying. then he went to sleep with pacifier in mouth.

WOKE UP AGAIN AT 3 AM!...this time i checked for signs of hunger, gave him water as advised. he din buy it, gave him 60 ml milk , he din really gulp it all down, so he was not that hungry. had to do PUPD for him to sleep later.

WOKE UP AT 5 AM AGAIN.this time he took in 110ml milk and was quite awake after that. he showed signs of sleepiness, ( by the time we finished feeding it was around 5 45 am plus) maid has woken up and done the washing. by right, she will take over. but then i asked myself if it is right.....dont think so , cuase usually the whole house will beup at 6 am . hubby goes work at 6am plus, MIL, FIL goes work at 7 am. so for the last few weeks i realise i have been doing the WRONG THING by letting Dylan be up when he showed signs of sleepiness. So i did PUPD and here i am up in my room writing all these down to reassure myself.....sigh. oh ya, forgot to add, i cried last night when he woke up 2nd time cause i was so frustrated. hubby felt sorry i think, and wanted to take over. sigh.poor him too, Dylan make so much noise. but miraculously, sometimes he can sleep thru the noise. haha, really want to be like him . unfortunately, i cant. i am those type who stay awake for a long time before i can finally fall asleep and my neck was aching and still aching cause i have been lying in awkward positions beside Dylan, pressing his pacifier to his mouth, turning towards him , pinning his arms down, etc etc. BIG SIGH.!HIAK!

MADNESS IN THE MAKING

I tried cluster feeding yesterday. I fed him at 7 , then 9 and 11.30. it is called tanking up . and it was perfect, he drankin his sleep and went to sleep blissfully. sad to say halfway when grey anatomy started, his arms and legs started to frail again. according to tracy, that;s cause he is overstimulated, but i dun get it. i din stimulate him hours before. and this also happened at 1 am plus too.i had to pat him to calm down again else he will wake up crying, then at 1 am i got tired of it and carried him to sleep on my chest,i mean i did try sleeping beside him by pinning his hands down, and swaddling him , but it din work. so i created accidental parenting sadly by putting him on my chest cus i was so tired. sigh.

then again at 3 am he woke up . cry cry cry.i tried to shhhh him first, then the P.U.P D method, but i think i din persist enough , and fed him . dammit! i was tricked . he was not that hungry and only drank 100 instead of everything.i think i have created a habit for him to wake up. tonight, i think i will try the P.U.P.D again , and if he persist , i will feed him water. all these making sure i tanked him up in the evening first. sigh. sooooooooooooooooooooooooo tired.

but hurray ! he fell asleep after that and all the way till 7 am. :) instead of the usual 5/6 am.

pray for us tonight.

Brought Dylan out for a walk this morning, but he was more interested in what's in his pram rather than the surroundings.....nevermind, will try tommorow. Will also take note of whether it will help him sleep better cus it tires him down, hoping it aint over stimulating him.

Have bought the Baby Whisperer today, read it and realised that actually i have been using the pick up put down method consistently, and it works at night, have also told the maid to use the winding down method, then use the dummy and rock , and try pat pat, then carry, but never to let him fall asleep while carrying, i think i have to remind her to take out the dummy before he really falls asleep so he does not wake up in the middle and ask for help to put the dummy back in. Also i have increase the feeds during the day and reducing the feeds at night, today is day one, will see if it will cut down his feeds during the night. Have also found out that his frailing arms and legs are cause he was over stimulated, but my question is , how could i possibly have stimulated him at night? All the activities are so low key.......hmmmmm....let's cross our fingers and pray hard tonight that at least tonight he can sleep for 4 to 5 hours straight. instead of waking up at 3 am and wanting to play and talk again.. sigh.

Latest addition. :

Mama love love !

Shoes given by my hong kong colleague

Dylan's book of importance

I really wonder why Dylan's arms and legs will go flying everynight just 1 to 11/2 hours before milk time.....sigh. i always have to get up and pin them down at night..:( i cant possibly increase the milk just to stop him from doing that...

wah...just heard my promiscous ex just decided to get registered.....*clap clap* good for him , hope he change his ways man... it's funny how i was talking to his ex ex and she told me about it. :) mistreated 2 of us.. badly!hiya. nothing beats my hubby now, at least i dont cry cry everyday, dun think here think there ....dear dear, thank you! I luv you!

Baby Dylan is 7.3 Kg at 3 months 1 week.

This morning we woke up to the sound and smell of oil..... sound of frying....remember how i said we sleep on the mattress, well, the living room is just directly below the kitchen , so besides everynight's battling and reinforcing of washing the dishes quietly and having the grandparents eat quietly, MIL talking quietly, every Sunday we have to be disturbed at 5 am ( cook lunch early cuase MIL bring lunch to work) due to the sound of frying ......and when hubby told his mom to skip frying food, and try steaming instead, she said in mandarin, " steam not nice lei....." my reaction was like wau lau, you good lor, only think about yourself, then never think of us, we will be covered in a layer of oil after that, and the sound really makes it difficult to sleep... cuase i am a really light sleeper....somemore you are such a health freak, you come back at 8 pm from work and then you go swimming, come back in the afternoon to swim instead of looking after your grandson, wake up at 5 am to jog, you want to eat fried food. very clever hor.....

talking about sleeping, i think Dylan really needs to learn how to sleep on his own , easier said than done, sigh, you know, i sleep with a string from a paper bag every night, it is a habit i pick it up since i was very little, and it helps to calm me down and focus all my energy to the string before i drift off to sleep, i wonder what Dylan's method of sleeping will be? Carried to sleep, cry to sleep? Oh gawd..... i even brought the string into the operating theatre cause it kept me calm.....let's pray Dylan find his soon......

I have decided.....when we finally have our king size bed, i want satin bed sheets, i miss my silk comforter.... yeah , the one that cost 500 bucks, hehe, crazy right? but i tell you that dooner will make you not want to get out of bed, now that thing is in my old house growing mould cause i have not been using it, ....come to think of it, it wont be a good idea to use it now else i wun be able to get out of bed to feed Dylan....

I have dropped one of my tuition kids to have more time during the weekends with the family, money can be earned later, errrr...... 3 years later. Dylan is growing up , and i need to be be there with him.. on top of this , i also think i need to start shaping up, not that i am complaining i am too fat ( except for that freaking slab of fat on my tummy to fit my uterus earlier on), but i think the fact that exercising releases endorphins into my body works.....oh ya, i am gonna try doing this , try laughing in the middle of the night when i feel all stressed up carrying Mr Zhai to sleep.... haha, they say that laughing releases endorphins too rite? Well at least i will try to smile , not laugh, else hubby will wake up shocked.

I came across one season's of Chanel's bag......damn nice, dun think they still have stock though.

:( still remember the other day i said i wun buy suck things, now i think such things are addictive.

That's mine..... the first one.

Whadda helleva week... it is the school holidays but aint no holidays for me cause my students want more lessons......never e mind, tell myself to get over it, juggle sleep, juggle dylan and work. can do it !!!. cant wait for sept to be over, then i will have more time with Dylan....i really hope when crossing over to 4 months, Dylan will drop his night feed, i actually got mad and fed him 150 ml , but this fella lapped it all up, and woke up 3 hours later again to feed, so i reckon better keep it in check at 150ml... will only increase it prolly a week later. soon soon, he will need semi solid food to fill his tummy up :) ( i bet my MIL will have her fair share of wanting to give him her type of food to eat again, from hearing this and that from her friends----i better stand firm. humph!)

sooooooothing music for tired mama

last time i used to be sooo jealous when my maid could pacify dylan cause she knows how to carry him and i could not, ...now that i know that i can , and i have no strength and energy left in the day , i just let her carry him. this week's nights are quite crappy , i am so sleep starved. i think my body clock is kinda screwed up , i sleep in the day and awake at night , or rather, i have to sleep at 8 pm , wake at 9 pm , then wake at midnight, get ready to wake at 1 am all way till 6 am... sigh. sometimes in the middle of night dylan sleeps on my chest. i AM.......sooooooooooooooooo fatigued. mama tres tres tres fatigued.sigh.

you know the most boring part of the night is burping him , i know i ought to enjoy the moment, but at 3 am when your hubby is snoring away, and baby on your chest,you cant help but hope the 10 minutes of burping pass faster. remember i used to say i day dream away to pass time, ...i have done it already savoured the time spent with dylan , daydream...now i just wish no more night feeds....hiak.

I changed my mind.....before i die and get buried. i must own
1) A house of my own
2) A Hermes Lindy 7.9 k
3) A Bottega Veneta knot clutch ( i think 4 k)
4)A few more chanel 2.55s.....

A birkins is nice, but the waiting list is sooooooooooo long that by i get i might be already in my grave....lol.

Crazy anot? Dont worry hubby i case you are reading this, dont get a heart attack. I said before i rot and die....so that means i can also get it when i am 35... or 40 . ;P

din sleep much past 3 nights, hae the phobia of dylan waking up in the middle of night again... sigh. now try to take as much aft nap as possible so around 1 to 5 am i am prepared not to have any sleep. first night i tried to make him sleep after feed from 3 am to 4. 50 am ..... and dun forget i fed him at midnight too..... last night, he slept at 9 pm , woke at 10.45pm crying... then later at midnight had feed, after that woke at 2 am again!. then i could not sleep till 5 am..... cause i am not the kind who falls asleep immediately when i lie down. i can't ....sigh. not like my hubby who can snore the moment he touches the mattress. so i laid down beside him and tried to sleep all the way till 5 am ( that was the last time i saw the clock) ....i suspect he is teething.....
:( oh ya, by the way , after we put him down to sleep last night, he actually woke up the a minute later smiling and laughing....wah lau....* peng san*

My wittle pwince......

Sent by Christine , one of my ex students.. Miss them greatly...

A happy woman last night cause darling husband ( Merci beaucoup, je taime!!!) brought me to il lido @ sentosa for dinner. ... had my favourite foie gras, lobster pasta, cod n mashed potatoes and hot chocolate cake for dinner, somemore can utilise my chanel 2.55 on da night....sight. i wore a satin belt high waisted, but by the end of the dinner, in the car, i had to take the belt off... too fat liao. oh my gosh. i tink my tummy flab aint going anywhere. and why does victoria beckham look so trim even after 3 kids? I suspect a tummy tuck, of course, i aint gonna try that, it is sooo disgusting.

talking about chanel 2.55, yeah, after all the rave about not buying it , i finally decided to spoil myself, after so much shit. anyway, i cant buy my house this year.no harm using sum of the money hor.. now, a speedy 30 looks quite attractive...:P Jh says, owning a 2.55 is like acquiring tai tai status, well...let's say , right after i walked out of the store, the answer is yes, but after i reached home..... no more.. * poof* . have to look after Dylan again :) Tai tais dont do that, i wonder how they have the heart not to look after their own kids, how can they stand their own kids being close to the maids and nannies? eeeeeee....i really cant bear Dylan being too close to the maid. Dylan is a high need baby, but i want to be there for him as much as i can. really. i think it is my responsibility, provided i dont have a date with sleep monster.Hubby said " let's put it this way, most rich families mothers dont look after their own kids" in an attempt trying to console me, but still, i dont think i can ever allow that to happen to me. I cut my nails short, dont wear diamond rings in the house in case i accidentally stratch Dylan;s face, i stink of his drool on my t shirt and i sleep on the mattress, lol... tai tai dont do that.i have resigned to the fact i cant be a tai tai. :) Not a full fledged one at least ya. ( oh ya, plus i dont know how to play mahjong)

I think it is quite a milestone reaching 3 months old for Dylan, letting a schedule fall into place, Everymorning wake at 6am express, then feed, then at 7 am hand over to maid, sleep till 9 am , wake, take over maid, maid prepare lunch , clean house, 1 pm lunch, express , then feed, then play with Dylan, try make him sleep , then wake again , feed, express, then blah blah, wash up baby, then by 8 pm, i lay out the mattress and get ready for the most difficult time of the night,----trying to make Dylan sleep for the night. Then force myself to sleep , cause it will be every 3 hours feed after he sleeps. the day ends at 6 am the next morning....i guess it is not that painful now, also i have gotten used to Dylan's cries. and the drone of expressing, i try to tell myself, i must enjoy all of these when it is still here cause when Dylan is around 1 year, he might not want to be carried and hugged anymore...

All of these manageable cause of my darling hubby and mummy. Thanks for lending me your emotional support...