Sigh...just received news that hubs gotta go HK for work on sat till wed cause of some stupid conference in Shengzheng and boss wans him in hk office the following week. Gawddammmit....that means i have to do night duty alone...i mean usually i have been the one patting him blah blah, but at least when hubs was ard he helps me make the milk when Dylan wakes up crying. Now i gotta juggle the cry and the milk. No, i dont want the maid in the same room at night w me, SO I WILL JUST DO IT ALONE.

anyway, Dylan is brushing up on his grasping skills already, he is able to hold his teething rusk relatively well to give me a few minutes of peace. Here are some pix....:)hiya....upload error, ....later then...

Here, po po, here are some pix taken when Dylan went out with you for dim sum last Saturday.:)That was when he started to reach out for pple's faces with his tiny hands ...

Before his nap today, i brought out a tactile book for Dylan. He started kicking his legs excitedly and waving his arms... i know immediately i got his attention, and because i read with him so many times, he knows how to hold the book . One bummer is that he tends to bring the book to his mouth after he stares at the picture.Hahaha, cant be helped, guess he is teething , that is why. But i have noticed his attention span really develops since 1 month old. I started reading with him since 1 month , at the very beginning,he will just stare hard at the pic without being able to hold the book , after he is able to sit up with his back on my tum, he can hold the book, i always bring his fingers to touch the different texture in the book. i also make scratchy sound on the uneven surfaces to catch his attention. I realise nowadays he explores things ard him by stratching with his fingernails. Interesting huh? He does that to my face as well, and last night i got 3 fingernail marks on my face under my eye. Ouch, i tell you.

Dylan also started babbling audible consonants like dadadada, aaaaaaaaa....hopefully he will be able to communicate soon by saying da and ma and knowing the meanings :)

Regarding object permanance, he definitely is not as naive as before whereby when he reaches out for a thing like colourful tissue box, i take it away, he will just forget about it. Now, if i take it away, he will stare hard in that direction and protest a little while. Way to go boy!. That means more work for mummy. hahahaha

Brought him to Gymboree class yesterday, teacher and parents commented that he is quite tall, funny....perhaps maybe cause daddy was quite a big baby when young.

This is Dylan after bee ghor and spinach ......

Hahaha...dawn yang and xiaxue camwhore by themselves, i camwhore with Dylan.....
arent we both narcissistic?

HAPPY MOTHER AND CHILD

Stupidly Funny....

Friends? They come and go...some stay , some dont, some are friends for a reason, others....it's unconditional, some add joy to your life, some wreck your life, that's why they have aquaintances.I am the kind of girl who prefers to meet up one to one for a heart to heart chat , rather than a gathering..I am the kind of girl who have more male friends than girls.and that's why really good friends are hard to come by, friendships need work, maintenance,and no strings attached... i'll be happy to die with 5 really close friends to my heart.



Laid beside Dylan last night and thought, geese, he's gonna be my new friend, I am gonna tell him everything and open my heart to him. It's going to be unconditional of course.And then i thought about my past, my exes, the old me, my old lifestyle. My heart frowned when i thought of D, i wasted 2 years of my life on a stupid unfaithful guy, One who asks back for the things he gives you when you break up with him. One who feigns injuries to get you back. One who says he will attempt suicide and then wun.One who harrass you non stop till you almost wanted to ask for protection. Should have called the police then and knock him out of his senses, but being the compassionate me, i dint, if NOW, I would have.This is new me.Good bye me.



Rewind......Japan. Ah, that's another story. Ex and Friends there. Mostly male including one star who writes the songs for ayumi hamasaki. How cool is that? Yet... Dun keep in touch anymore...like i said, need work. Everytime i visit tokyo, i will visit them. Now i dont, i cant, i cant possibly bring my family ard to parties meant for swinging singles. haha.


St nicks... Vicky, Aiping, Melissa, so passe.Michelle and Jac whom were once close to my heart, still in touch. Phew!





College.:) Prom Queen. Once appeared in the AJC chio bu list. crushes. tears. Friends. Aplenty. Lotsa fun despite an iron handed mom.An ex whom is still dear to me and keep in touch.



NUS.....quiet. As quiet as it gets. There's Jinhang and Chrystal. Both are dear to me. A pity one is in the country i really wanna be right now.One friend.. whom i lost touch with. Priscilla Mok. Sadly.



NIE.... Hellish time with professors and assignments. So not much memories.Lost touch with practically all of them. Dawn and Annabelle and Annette are what's left.


RGPS....Oh yeah...how could i forget this one? Still in touch. But not close.



Velvet and Zouk.... Fun time for a while. Fun? Hell! It was Exhilarating!Young, pretty, and swinging single. Girls get all the fun. But lost touch with them.....Stanley, Cleaven, Jason, Sally, Mark, Kp, Wooi Keat, Shirley.Burbye...:)



Right now...The people whom I love, Hubs , Dylan , Mom and Bro are my family and friends....Guess it's gonna stay that way for a while now. Finding myself steering towards the direction of women who are mummies too.

Dylan went swimming in the mini pool we got for him:) He had fun kicking the water, but i think he did not realise he was in the water at all. He was more interested in chewing the star and the duck in the pool. He did a flip in the water and his face went into the water for a sec, so he took in some water and cried. But it only lasted for a few seconds before he was back to himself again.

Yay :) baby dylan is back from NUH!!! poor boy has been a resident in ward 48 room 1 in nuh since sat night after we brought him to emergency nuh. They diagnosed his condition as UTI. urinary tract infection as he also had a fever, and lotsa white blood platelets in his pee. ....he was finally admitted at 11.50 pm, after which , docs put an IV in him , took pee samples, put a tube thru his penis and collected so called more sterile pee, and blood test. he was under trauma for ard 40 minutes while mummy paced up and down outside the room , admist his screams and cries, cause of the pain and it also coincides with his bedtime, and finally mummy couldnt take it and went into the room, despite doctors telling her it;s better to go out. docs there are so young, my gawd, one other patient had to suffer like 6 times cause the young doc could not find an entry point for the IV.She had bruises all over after that . so heart pain. anyway.....all that was a fiasco. it was a false alarm. it was not UTI after all, just that his body did suffer a viral infection and that;s why there are white platelets in his pee. Kidney ultrasound also showed that all was fine. Mummy just have to monitor him closely after this episode and should there be any similar symptoms, have to bring dylan back for a more thorough checkup.

din have proper sleep thru the nights cause i had to sleep beside dylan on the teeny weeny bed, i had to lie on my left and could not turn cause if i do so, i will fall onto the floor. haha. luckily i am a skinny mom. the worst was on the 2 night when i put dylan on my chest for 3 hours! cause i din want him to wake up while the nurse came in at 2 am to feed antibiotics through his IV. poor boy already had enought trauma.

i know i have turned into a very angry person.Very angry cause i am not feeling well ( still coughing) and not enough sleep. I do catch up on my sleep when Dylan sleep, but that is not the right type of sleep for a weak person. My motto now is" it's just a passing phase..." but you know what this angry person becomes angrier when things **** up. My sister in law for instance. woke up this morning and she was downstairts interrupting Dylan sleeping. I thought i had asked hubs to tell her not to do that already. ( more than once) ...apparently that din work. So i had to go downstairs and say" Linda, next time if you see Dylan trying to sleep , please dont go downstairs, else Andang will have a difficult time(difficult would have been an understatement...remember the experience i desribed in my previous entry?)making him sleep."and she din bulge! NO RESPONSE. NO NOD, NO YES , NO OK. even a grumpy ok would have been good enough!
so i went to the kitchen to make coffee and discovered there is no milk ( again) ( which makes me even angrier) and watch intently...she shows no signs of moving. so i said loudly" aye dylan you want to sleep anot? you want to sleep, like that how to sleep?" ....that managed to move SIL up to her room. i am so sick of telling my inlaws when is the appropriate time to play with dylan. and you know what they only play with him. they dont look after him, and scoots off at the very first whine or so. even scoots off when he shits cause SIL says it is so smelly. DUH. you mean your shit smells of perfume huh? dylan has turned into a plaything. not a baby that needs looking after. but a toy.









I really am so tired of being angry. i dont want to be angry. Dylan woke up 11 times last night.

Been too lazy to blog recently. Brought Dylan up to my room to chill literally as there is air con, so he wun go stratchy stratchy..... he was lying down beside me and i was watching greys.A. i turned ard and he was looking at me silently...you know like pondering over something like that, and when i turned ard he smiled. i turned to watch tv again. then after a few secs, i turned to look at him. There he was staring at me again! and he smiled!COOL i thought, and i watched tv again, and when i turned he was still looking at me and smiled. wow....this continued on for couple of times.. so sweet hor.i enjoy the times with him when he is all sweet natured and not howling and whining... DUH. like when i bring him out on evening walks err. carry, he will sit with me on my lap and we will swing. he goes all quiet when he is outside cause he is soo absorbed by the surroundings. But must be careful not to overstimulate him cause he wll turn super cranky when home and give me hell.what i mean by hell is when you are carrying this 9kg ( well almost)fella, he rubs his face violently on your chest and uses his fist to slam on you while whining at the top of his lungs. not a pretty sight. you really gotta hold him firm, shhh him and calm him down.then slowly he will subside and put his head on your chest and sleep. ....peace alas.


i introduced potato into his diet today but caught him at wrong time and it was really messy at meal time. i am gonna give him cereal later in the evening. 2 meals of solid feed.let's cross our fingers.cant wait till he takes porridge at 6 1/2 to7 mths.Anyway his teeth are out.


i just realised this blog has no more privacy for me to rant my inner most thoughts. those thoughts that you want out and no one to know so they cant judge you.dammit.

ok ok.... dylan stirred and fussed a bit but din cry out loud, just eh eh ehhh again, so had to carry on sofa cause pat and pacifier dun work. so i fell asleep, and he slept too. woke again at 6 thirty, tot he was hungry cause this time he fussed even more. din wanna drink. anyway now he is downstairs, maid's turn to take over while i catch a few hours of good sleep.gotta add gripe water and massage to his evening routine. main culprit---GAS.

Thunder just roared. Dylan woke up and eh ehh ehh....i quickly kissed him and said, mamama here mama here. pat a bit, then he went to sleep again...

I am still here. just fed him at 2 thirty am....

I lost my freedom... one dear friend asked me for coffee tonight and i could not go cause i had to make Dylan sleep. Anyway nowadays even if i am out, my mind will constantly be thinking of Dylan , wat's he doing, did he drink? did he cry alot? can the maid handle? that explains the atrocious amt of my tele bills when i was in taiwan. Guess that's the px to pay for going out, talking about getting some fresh air huh.

Anyway.... i am still up here. decided to blog cause i am gonna do stg very exciting tonight. I AM GONNA STAY UP AND OBSERVE DYLAN! yeah...it's also becus i cant sleep. my head is so pain and i took panadol extra( comes with caffeine) ...so i just expressed manually and then made myself a cup of coffee. i have been taking coffee lately, after 1 year of not doing so? i think 9 months ( preggie)plus 5 months
( breastfeeding)...well i still am gonna breastfeed partially, but not as dilligent as before, one thing is cause Dylan is reaching the 6 months milestone , so the guilt trip is not as bad as before.You know , i think i could have done better but i did not know how to cope as a first time mother, no prior experience, have not done any reading and no advice on bfing right after Dylan was born.I had colostrum coming out even before the operation and i was one of the lucky few to have milk rightaway after baby was out, but i was not fully aware that i had to pump constantly to keep my supply up. i did not know how much was good enough, i actually did pump, but i stop when i hit like 30ml. silly me, i thought that that would have been enough, silly me, i din think of storing the milk, silly me, i din know i should have emptied the breast. hmmmm. oh ya, and the first few nights at the hospital was SI BE CHAM.at night i had to press the button for the nurse to come in to give me the pump cause i was engorged. ( second day) pump and pump also nothing come out. BLOCKED DUCTS! i felt flushed and hot and pain. the pits too. so i had to use cold cabbages. then the next day, the Lactation consultant came and pressed and it was such a relief after that. i tell you , as she was pressing away , i was crying away---so darn painful....then when i was discharged, i had to cope with baby blues, my c section pain, my MIL, the confinement nanny....i cant remember exactly whether i was pumping dilligently enough, but my supply did increase alot.i think after a while when i regained my mobility to go up and down the stairs, i spent more time on the baby than pumping. silly me...if only. anyway.there will not be another " if only" .....

uh oh....Dylan just moved. i just popped the pacifier back into his mouth and patted him...he slept at 7pm...i was singing to him like 10 minutes and then i saw his eye lids getting heavier, i tot i wanted to try to sing till he sleep on my hands ---supporting his head, and body on my lap, but he got tad frustrated after a while so i put him on my chest and he slept within a minute....so i brought him upstairs, ate my dinner, din even finished it, and he started moving again....arms flailing...so i had to quickly pat him before it turns full blown... anyway it was not good enough, he woke up at 7.thirty. i think because at 5 plus he drank breastmilk( not filling enough) so he was hungry. so he lapped up 180ml at 8 pm....went to sleep.woke up again at 10 thirty!....this time i was not sure cause he drank at 8 you see, but patting, rocking and the pacifier din work, so i gave him milk , he drank up almost 120ml of it. weird huh...he was hungry. then slept. stirred at midnight, and i decided to get up and do this thing i am doing now...since then it has been patting and arms flailing and pacifier popping...anyway, this might be exciting for now....not too sure for later..once my butter cookies and caffeine runs out.plus i have dental appt tommorow. hiak...to finish my root canalling.

I am glued to grey's anatomy season 3.....devouring it while it's maid turn to look after dylan.
Dylan is still doing the hourly wake up thing nightly, ---- pop in pacifier, patting, rocking, sshing, change sides, feeding milk.You see how i dun really bitch about the night thing anymore.
REN MING LE.It's just him.and i think i slept in a funny position on weds and have a bad bad headache till now. Really pain on the right bottom. Dammit. as if looking after a baby isnt bad.


Dylan is on carrots and bee ghor now. Organic baby carrots, 3 sticks and a scoop of bee ghor and he finishes it all.:) happy about it. i want him to grow tougher....but that means a harder time carrying him ....sigh.Now his favourite entertainment is finger puppet show courtesy of me and maid( taught maid how to entertain him) else she lazy lazy just lie down beside him.

gawd...i wish the headache will go away. hiak.

Dylan ate 30 odd mouthfuls of bee ghor today.Very messy indeed. Each time he eat, he goes, " hmmm hmmmm, hmmm"and looks exasperated for more( we suspect he prefers the spoon to the food ) and keeps chewing on the spoon. By the way, his bottom 2 pearlie whites are cutting out..!:)Well done baby BOY

i feel tiny. i look at facebook and i get so envious and sad at what i am missing out .i look at my nice clothes in my cupboard, i cant flaunt. wear at home, siao ah.i wish i was not preggie and with a kid, but then again i look dylan so much , i must take my words back. no no, dun worry , i aint going thru depression , just lamenting again, if you decide to skip reading, go ahead. oh ya, mom , if you read my blog, can you keep your comments to yourself? i have enough as it is in the day with dylan already, even if you mean well, i would rather not hear. i big ger liao. only when i ask you for help , then you comment hor.


anyway. i miss hk BIG TIME. wah lau. i should have done more when i was staying there, now i miss things like going to races, trekking, junk boat stuff, well, sometimes i wish my hubby is more outgoing so we can do stuff together. but hiya, he loves to NUA. so how.i go alone ah. till date, still have not gone clubbing with him. good gracious.maybe i wait for dylan to grow up to 18 , then i go mambo with him. hahaha. i be 40 plus then. still can make it la huh...




what i am thankful for is that i have the option of not needing to work , i know some mummies preggie liao, with kids at home , still have to work for diaper money, so i must be grateful, but still, it is really boring at home, i need new hobbies, thinking of picking up reading again, gotta find my zest back. one hand turn page, one hand pat dylan. hahaha. aint it perfect hor.i can go out work if i want to, but i dun trust others to look after him. especially when he is grouchy, wait the maid or caregiver abuse him, i sure will blame myself one. so trust no one but me, so SACRIFICE, SACRIFICE.....



i really must do some thingS before i regret it. meanwhile it is waiting for dylan to grow up to 2 / 3 years old and then the activities' choices will be more..:)


old hobbies/ old me: jazz piano, learning languages jap and french,shopping. tot of taking masters.


NOW hobbies/me in transition: hahaha, shopping stays, jazz piano later, languages can take a back step first, now must do reading. watch korean drama( a la mode la housewife)Now, can screw studying... haha, sleep not enough, how to study?!!?No intention to look for new job and start from beginning, except to teach and save up. anyway, money talks.


must do before 40: go Paris, spain, ibiza and club, NZ, states, master my french, jap can be kissed goodbye, dun have patience to learn the honorific terms.... watch dylan grow up and share my hobbies with him. play a duet with him????!!!!???

jus made dylan have a nap...now sitting down , thinking about how horrible i was yesterday. i just dunno why sometimes i cant control these moods, rage, tiredness. shouted at wl last night when dylan woke up , really pissed off that he couldnt carry or pacify dylan, but i think i am in the wrong too. i should not have shouted. dylan cried even louder after that, and somemore in front of maid. sigh. he cried, i cried. i was just telling wl earlier how stress i was in making dylan sleep cause he will wail everytime before he sleeps, most of the times at least and plus the 1 and 2 hours waking at night, leave me exhausted, my health is not tip top to begin with. the worse is i feel even lousier that i am not working and yet cant even cope with this .i feel jealous each time i go out and see a guy handling a baby so confidently, yet my own husband cant, but i dunno why, he just cant do it? he can burp , feed, but just not pacify him and i am so flexed. worse, i am such an anal person not to let it off easily, i hate myself for being such an ass at these times, i really am not like this before. REALLY!. mom says it's cause i am really not prepared at motherhood....plus dylan is a high need baby, and i had a wrong way of making him sleep thru, plus accidental parenting of patting.....sigh. i wish i knew everything before dylan was born, at least i could have been prepared! good gracious. now i just hope everything will be smoother after making dylan sleep in the renovated room instead of the living room.oh great.. dylan just woke...

Look at Dylan's new bath tub and potty......

Aint I a cool looking wittle chap?




















Mummy taught me how to do this.....

































Before a sneeze.......

Baby Dylan is 8.4kg and 68 cm nearing 5 months.
Can hold his toes and chews and licks them.
Can respond to his name and smile.

Busy busy busy sick, my nose is so sensitive and i am the direct opposite of my baby, he gets hot easily, while i cant stand the least bit of wind. sigh.oh well. baby comes first. guess what, mummy's room is under renovation....finally!!! We dun need to sleep in the living room and get our own privacy. no more nosy MIL, SIL.....fwah fwah fwahhh.....

woke up this morning to call playgroups for Dylan. guess what? luckily i did so, cause there is a waiting list......dylan is only 5 months old but i have to book first cause when he reaches 1 year old, there will be no space if i do it right there and then. hahhaha. thank goodness for mummy's kiasuism....i called Julia gabriel.. one of my pri school classmate is working there. but i think they might be a little overrated and more expensive..must pay $37. 45 for admin charge to be on waiting list somemore. wah lau.chop space,must pay money one ah. and then not guaranteed you get a place also...so i decided to go for Weecare. :)

anyway...these are my plan. dylan will go for gymboree till he is a year old to build up his social interaction and motor skills. then he will go toddlers classes at weecare/ julia gabriel whichever i find it better, then nursery when he is 2 years old a few hours daily .

okie. i am getting lazier to blog, later have to bring dylan for immunisation again....