Today is happy day.
Dylan finished his bowl of cereal.
I managed to latch him on again.
He fell asleep without crying after i brought him out for his evening walk....

hehehe. but he still woke up from sleep crying.

Some more pictures of Dylan in my favourite pick for him.....

and something from my ex students

....Did not know gers can be such horror.

hiyo.time to be aunt agony again.

Dylan is curious about his toes and is beginning to learn to hold them to put them into the mouth......dirty dirty. He cant sit more than 5 mins in this chair cause he tends to bend forward to eat his toes.

Dear Lord

I donno for sure if my breastmilk will boost Dylan's immunity cause anyway it's just one feeding of 150ml a day. That' s how much i can pump plus extra a bit stored away.Well, i am trying, i know you can tell. I am gonna rent the ameda pump to try , maybe it is the pump's fault. Or maybe i should pump every hour , ahaha, that way i will go siao.I think all humans wanna hear that they are doing right, but i believe breastmilk dun and wun stop babies from falling sick. Only by falling sick will they get stronger, one PD told me to see it this way," if they dun fall sick , they will never be able to get the antibodies to boost their immunity" ....but the PD was not a mom before. i read in other forums on how babies as young as 9 months have to use an inhaler and neubuliser.. can you imagine how scary that is? But Lord , i am trying ok? ok , maybe i can increase my frequency of pumping.....

I told hubby i am perpetually tired. i dunno why, maybe it is due to night interrupted sleep, funny sleep times, i know i am suppose to adjust my system to Dylan's but it is difficult. sometimes, i am upstairs resting, i hear baby crying downstairs, how can dun go down to check rite? Up down up down the stairs like that....become a few hours liao. plus tuition , plus pumping, plus evening time with Dylan and cleaning him up...that's a day gone. Well, i think hubby dun think very much of it, and dunno how i feel. Everytime i say i am tired, he say" why not let Maid look after tonight? " " Phui! Fwah.... you think Dylan a toy ah, not happy, tired , can just push to maid, you never think maid look after dylan in day, tired, wait at night anyhow then how? you never think wait Dylan smell her BO, wait like her BO , at night dun have her BO cannot sleep then how?" So angry. he will NEVER understand.

humph. then best during weekend, he watch F1 and soccer at night , then complain tired at night, think got maid , then everything can just throw to maid, i go tuition in the weekend daytime, he upstairs watching soccer and F1.Dylan just throw to maid. maybe i din see him spending time with dylan so i am being biased here. but PLS LA, WAKE UP FROMYOUR DREAM!

Love, an angry mama

From Karen--mama's colleague in hk

From mama in hk from H and M store



















From Meisan. Papa's colleague
















From mama




















From second aunt.




















From tuition kid

Toy given by my Principal from Rosaryhill School in HK

Baby food maker given by my tuition kid.

Mummy went siao just now and decided to take photos of Dylan's belongings...realise his wardrobe is getting bigger compared to hers...tsk tsk. He has been a really lucky chap with all the branded clothes and gifts given by my friend's , daddy's friends , my tuition kids, my principals and his aunt. Lotsa stuff from Ralph Lauren. Mommy dun even have a single one! hiyo.....anyway.took picture of him playing the kick and learn piano. cant wait for him to be able to sit so i can teach him the colour piano...used to teach babies in www.mymusikbox.com in hongkong.heheh hope can apply skills to Dylan.:

Oh , and look at that picture of me and Dylan....i look VERYVERYVERY TIRED, dont i?

This morning Dylan woke up at 6. 45 am .....Then I decided to take him out for a morning walk :) Pity no other children were around. He love to look at the playground with the colourful kiddyrides which i keep shaking to attract his attention.Then we also saw the pussy cat. I brought him to the pool too, but din let him touch the water of course, too early in the morning, but quickly rushed back before he start to fret when i saw him yawn.
ahaha, now Dylan really have a schedule. If he wakes up in the middle of night, he will sleep till 7 plus am, if not , he tend to wake up at 6 plus am , drink a bit of milk and back to sleep again till 8 plus and get up for shower.:)We never let him be awake for more than 2 hours cause it can make him too hyper and then it be difficult to make him sleep.And his bed time must be around 7 / 8 pm plus after which i tank him up . Well i really hope this schedule sticks around for long, but we can make do without his flying arms ah.



Other things we notice about dylan:

1) He hates the person who is feeding him to talk to others . He will cry and whine if s/he does so

2) He prefers Guys to gers, he will smile at papa, yeye, and uncle, but not at nainai, gugu and me. I must try like a gazillion times before he smiles, or do funny faces. But he loves and knows how to " teh" and " manja" and pretend to cough and wave his hands up to ask me or maid to carry. Terrible terrible.What a discerning boy!

3) He loves to shit when drinking milk. Not bad huh, got input and straightway have output. haha.

4) He is now at a stage whereby he puts every goddamn thing in his mouth , he wants to eat the bumbo chair, eat the toys, eat the hanky , eat my face, eat my fingers.Dangerous.

5) He hates it when someone is watching him trying to sleep.He is not an independent sleeper, he will open his eyes to check before sleeping if the person who had made him sleep is beside him .Not good.

Actually , i should learn to take life a little easier, Dylan is not all that bad, minus the night wakings.

Bon jour mama a sept heure et demie

















Un Finger


















Deux Finger





Dylan is changing constantly.....everyweek, he is different. I really miss some of his poses like him clasping the hands together and sticking his tongue out while waiting for milk... miss his cooing...now it is changed to angry cries if he is hungry, and blowing of raspberries. He loves it when i blow raspberries back at him, he will laugh, also he has evolved from sucking of fist to sucking of fingers.I must definitely capture photos of him pouting and sticking his pointer in his mouth. Those are classic. Will hate myself if he changes again and i din get those poses.

Hubby was very nice to me last night.. lotsa TLC. that's what i needed. Made it to the doc, she gonna refer me to a specialist regarding my wrist.gave me the medication for breastfeeding, and antibiotics for my toes.now hoping it will be cured, if not, have to do surgery to remove the unail....oh enought about needles;(!!!


Hubby suggested staying in the new Amara hotel opening soon in sentosa, and gonna plan the trip to Japan. :) i am very very very happy inside but still bogged down by the daily drone of life. Staying at home to hear Dylan cries and not able to pacify him make me a very inconfident mother. i am good with kids, just horrible with babies. Cause i cant, and i really dunno what he wants sometimes. well....just hope time rides it out.

Real or not real...still very touching...



My mom only had one eye. I hated her... she was such an embarrassment. She cooked for students & teachers to support the family. There was this one day during elementary school where my mom came to say hello to me. I was so embarrassed.How could she do this to me?I ignored her, threw her a hateful look and ran out.


The next day at school one of my classmatessaid, 'EEEE, your mom only has one eye!' I wanted to bury myself.I also wanted my mom to just disappear. I confronted her that day and said, ' If you're only goanna make me a laughing stock, why don't you just die?' My mom did not respond... I didn't even stop to think for a second about what I had said, because ! I was full of anger. I was oblivious to her feelings. I wanted out of that house, and have nothing to do with her.


So I studied real hard, got a chance to go abroad to study. Then, I got married. I bought a house of my own. I had kids of my own. I was happy with my life, my kids and the comforts, Then one day, my mother came to visit me. She hadn't seen me in years and she didn't even meet her grandchildren. When she stood by the door, my children laughed at her, and I yelled at her for coming over uninvited. I screamed at her, 'How dare you come to my house and scare my children!'GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!!'And to this, my mother quietly answered, 'Oh, I'm so sorry. I may have gotten the wrong address,' and she disappeared out of sight.


One day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house. So I lied to my wife that I was going on a business trip. After the reunion, I went to the old shack just out of curiosity. My neighbors said that she died. I did not she d a single tear. They handed me a letter that she had wanted me to have.



'My dearest son,I think of you all the time. I'm sorry that I came to your house andscared your children. I was so glad when I heard you were coming for the reunion. But I may not be able to even get out of bed to see you. I'm sorry that I was a constant embarrassment to you when you were growing up. You see........when you were very little, you got into an accident, and lost your eye. As a mother, I couldn't stand watching youhaving to grow up with one eye. So I gave you mine. I was so proud of my son who was seeing a whole new world for me, in my place, with that eye. With all my love to you,Your mother.

Sigh. ever since i stopped the medication the PD gave, i have sooo little breastmilk no matter how i pump. It is not helping Dylan is crying more. Dunno why. Maybe cus i am SAHM, stay home too often that's why it is so overwhelming. Does not help that he still does not sleep thru the night, does not help that i dun have the right pillow, does not help that i sleep in the living room , does not help that i have a silly toothache( with lotsa injections and painkillers), and does not help that my toe is infected, does not help that my shoulders ache.Oh....i am such a whiner.

Actually just last week, it was easy to make Dylan sleep, THEN HE DECIDED TO CHANGE THE METHOD AGAIN. today he fell asleep in the baby bjorn. He loves looking ard now and hates to be put down on the mattress, lying down makes him shout alot. hmmmm. little inquisitive fella.

now waiting for hubby to be back so i can go see doctor .Raining.....Oh , i hate rainy days.

Oh my******* Gawd, i have a toothache. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO painful that i wake up from my sleep, took panadol still painful . wah lau... somemore still have to look after dylan, that's being a mother i guess, lucky maid helping out tonight, the pain is preoccupied in my head till i have ear ache, cant do much. argh . been gurgling with mouth wash and waiting till tomorrow seeing Gillian hubby fren, hopefully she be gentle on my pooor mouth. Just now went to see stupid dentist , so proud, no TLC, just knock teeth , straightaway say must do root canal, say he dun want to do immediately, say imflammed so cant do , i suspect he lying cause alot of patients outside and i walk in patient, so i he treats me, it will screw up his day......oh my oh my. somemore he say must take antibiotics, i ask can take anot breastfeeding, then he say stop breastfeeding. WAH LAU. make me panic for a while, i suspect he dunno, so i called Gillian, then she say can take alternative medicine. lucky i did so. now just have to tahan.... oh my oh my........





also recently i have. been dropping alot of hair after pregnancy. oh my oh my...at this rate i will join the botak club like Dylan.....

!
SAW THIS ON DRYERS BLOG.. SO DARN FUNNY!
Breastfeeding - video powered by Metacafe

The method to make Dylan sleep always changes......that's cause he is not able to sleep by himself as yet; not like other babies, or we always fail to see when he's sleepy until he yawn.He gets really hyper when he is tired, and when we pick him up to calm him down , he gets more hyper.Dim the room , light music, you name it, we've got it... still FAIL!We are suppose to put him to bed when he is drowsy not fast asleep .....hiak and yesterday luckily i managed to make him sleep in the night, else it'll hurt my ego again.He woke at 2 am with arms flying again,din sleep till 4 am but at least now i dont have to sleep with my arms on him already. ...and he does not stratch his ears anymore cause botak , not so hot.Mama will go holland village for tuina today. i earned it.

Another entry on happy thoughts.... Dylan slept for more than an hour in the afternoon again. from 2plus till now... going for tuition soon. Gave instructions to maid to feed him at 6 thirty later.. you know, i was looking at him just now. obviously he was in a REM mode. so funny , he was laughing and smiling and then frowning and making all the weird expressions then. OOOOO. i love you boy.

Brought him to Fantastic Sam @ forum for hair cut. saw an angmo with twins in a stroller ALL BY HERSELF....wah lau. if it is me , i sure die one. how to handle? somemore so young. i am waiting for the day when dylan can sit up by himself n i bring him out ALL BY MYSELF.. now. no confidence as yet. :(



Here is a video of dylan during the haircut. he was pissed i was taking a video of him....

my best friends!

Dear was complaining about the bag i bought yest when i got into the car. he grumbled i might as well get him a new wallet.....cause his wallet is spoilt. wah biang. see his face when he saw the new wallet in the box waiting for him in the room . Din know his lao po already had tot of that. hahaha. being a little too generous ah...

now i am gonna write about positive things as much as i can... realise i have been whining too much. Brought Dylan back to NUH for checkup as directed by Emergency on Sunday night. PD said he was fine din say others much..well. Dylan was tired when we got back slept from 12. thirty to 3 then drank up all 160ml of my Breastmilk. Great!!!!. AND I managed a 50 ml during an afternoon pump...hoping for more.:) soon i hope...now up here. joined the motherhood forum , found it much better and more responsive than Bbaysupplies.:)

Let's see tonight how ok?

See what damage have i done....but it is ok cause the LV is limited edition which means resaleable at higher price. hahaha. One customer ordered it but din collect it and only 20 pieces in SG.

and pressies for .....SHHHHH....

Oooh man, i feel like screaming, crying, sleeping, eating and shopping. I am in such a flux that i dunno what to do, highly irascible and very very grouchy. I was awake at 1 am ... Dylan cried intermittenly till 2 am till time for feed then after that still found it uncomfortable to sleep. up all da way till 5/ 6am and he has to sleep on my chest cause he cries in his sleep and startles.Oh dammit. is he teething cause i cant feel any goddamn teeth , hiya i do know teeth dun just pop out like that, it is a process, but I NEED AN ANSWER!!!! why he cries! HE CAN BE SLEEPING THEN WAKE UP CRYING. AND WANTING TO PUT HAND IN MOUTH. like this means teething right? went through all the checklist for teething. and HE MEETS ALL. so means teething right? SOB SOB.

and then i feel so frustrated at night that i am the only person who can really pacify him . i mean of course besides my maid. but MAID IS AN OUTSIDER! i wish my hubby sometimes could take over at night, i feel so exhausted. really, even though i dun need to work, but still. and he does not understand the importance of dylan sleeping with us at night and why i firmly refuse to let dylan sleep w maid unless i am at my wits end. I know hubby tries, he tries, i can see, , and how to blame him? poor thing. then still have to work tomorrow.He already tried!!! BUT it just wun make dylan stop crying and i end up snapping at him and make me feels so horrid. sigh. i dun want to snap but i just cannot help it i think he thinks i am a horrible person, sigh. when you are so exhausted, groggy and yeah coughing....


AND MY MOTHER IN LAW. another one. i mean ya she offers to help take care of dylan at night then you know what this meansZ? this means maid take care cause she also dunno how to make maid sleep. wah lau. do you know she literally passes Dylan over to maid immediately when he fusses and say " tadau tadau....cannot cannot make sleep" TRY LA! learn la! YOU want to carry then learn la! not that i dun let you carry also, unless you carry at wrong times.


OH do i sound like i am whining? TOO BAD. i cant help it. i dun let off some steam , i will go nuts i tell you . ok, but good thing is that dylan recovered from viral fever that he caught on sunday. i actually tot i would have good sleep after end of that but ....hiak apparently not.


Am going to paragon to vitakids. trying homeopathy for teething... trying. trying....let;s just not give up ok? tahan tahan..

First drop of saliva.....head lifting

More saliva....head lifted!!!!

Out comes the tongue!!!!!

Tonight mama is gonna try break the habit of Little Dylan waking up nightly at 3am. She gonna feed him at 2 am so he does not cry at 3am anymore. no choice, he cant sleep thru as yet cause he does not feed enough in the day. .the reason why he wakes at 6 thirty daily is cus he goes to bed early at 8 thirty or 9pm...the managed to sleep to 7 plus this morning cause he went to bed at 10 plus last night.( well this is what i realised---hope i am correct...wish me luck tonight Lord.

Mr Zhai ran a fever of 37.6 degrees last night, got worried. Also changed the position of his mattress to the center, sleeping in between dear and i, so i '"stole" dear's mattress----and so we ended up teasing each other on who should sleep where, then dear said he should sleep on the so called better mattress ( which was thinner) , and i told him it did not matter to me, it is just that i had to sleep on his left so i can pin down his flying arms and legs again cause Zhai did not like swaddling.So i said," Oh why dun you sleep on your better mattress and do that then? " Then he replied without a second thought------" No lah, i have to work!" I was " ........"

Speaking of which, I REALLY MISS WORKING. I miss dressing up each morning , wearing my heels, and drinking my coffee and wearing my work clothes, now i have so many shirt dresses that cant be used and will perhaps never be used again cause i wun go back to teaching unless i am ready for my second kid.( hahaha the maternity benefits) ...i will end up tutoring my whole life and WHO WILL WEAR SHIRT DRESSES FOR TUTORING....

i MISS THE TIMES WHEN I GIVE TUTORING LIKE NO BODY'S BUSINESS, the kids grades improved and so did my bank account.......Oh the smell of M..........sigh. somewhat have not smelt that in a very long time.. i can forget about my half a million dream liao. lol....

and then i dreamt a funny dream. In the dream i was at someone's wedding. Someone who had a very small wedding at a big oval table, in a foresty place where there are alot of rivers and streams, and then all of a sudden, the weather started to change, but that was not the point, everyone's bowls started to overflow with creamy stuff( be it soup or porridge) except mine. Everyone was abhorred, until i quickly realised that mine did not overflow cause i had dug into it, my spoon was in it already...so i quickly shouted to everyone......cant remember the rest. Queer ain't it? Could this dream come from the fact i have been pouring too much milk away? Cause Mr Zhai always dun finish the milk? Huh huh huh..

OH PLEASE GET WELL SOON DARLING....:( .

The Onset before the big Boo Hoo.....

SOB SOB....I HAD MY JAB THIS MORNING...DOC WAS LATE AND I WAS WOKEN UP FROM SLEEP TO TAKE MY WEIGHT AND HEIGHT. I AM 7.95KG AND 66.65 CM LONG.:D the 90th percentile...DOC SAID I COULD START ON CEREAL SOON AND I GAVE HER A BIG SMILE... I HAD MY ROTAVIRUS ORAL MED AND MY 5 IN 1 JAB TODAY. NEXT MONTH ANOTHER ONE...HIAK!

Brought Mr Zhai out to vivocity today and he was so sua ku again....look here look there. refused to sleep in the pram. Finally slept in the maid's arms in the car on the way back.... hahahaha. better go buy toto, he never slept like that before.

GIMME GIMME GIMME MORE....AND ALL GOES INTO DA MOUTH.....

hehehe.....the big day is tommorow!!!! Sshhhhhh.......

anyway. went to Mothers @ work at great world city and bought Dylan stuff again...:

1) a nail clipper w magni glass

2)spoons tt change colour when food is hot/ cold

3) finger toothbrush

4) Bumbo seat

5) Baby can read book

6) Vcd for baby

7) A teetha that he can fit into his mouth

Letter to Dylan---Confessions of a mother

Dearest Dylan....
Last night , i thought of writing this letter to you, but i decided i would have been crazy if i got up at 1 am to write rather than to catch my precious sleep. Your face just sparked off so many thoughts in my mind, the way you sleep with your tiny mouth open at this age while lying on my chest after i burp you is just so serene.As i stroked your chubby cheeks, you stirred.You just mean so much to me.....


Last night was your first time out .....i am ashame that i only brought you out at 4 months. In fact you did pretty well. You were prolly a sua ku baby looking at all the people, taking in all the sounds and dazzled by the lights.But i was very proud of you for not crying at all. I hope you do this everytime. Sorry i lost my temper when we got back when you woke up rying from your sleep cause i was very pissed off at Daddy for siding with his mother.cant be help, next time if you are married, i think you would side with me too? Anyway . i just cant stand your granny wanting to carry you in the restaurant and here and there, like trying to show you off...i hate it. i ABSOLUTELY DETEST it. i just want a quiet evening. you by my side. contented. both of us. I DO NOT WANT TO SHARE YOU. am i being selfish , dylan? I really cant help it. I feel irk everytime she carries you . probably because we din hit off right at the very start. Your granny just dun know how to look after you and i feel that she has failed in that aspect. maybe i am stereotyping her, and not being fair , but i just feel , if she does not know how to look after you , then she should stay out of it. TOTALLY. Also , i din like her belittling me , whter intentionally or not, when i first had you . my pride was hurt, and still is , when she praised the maid, while i struggled to learn how to handle you.i just felt so small and helpless and stupid. But i told myself , no i had to learn, i am your mummy!The bitterness also stems from the times when she asks to carry you at the most inappropriate times, that is when you are sleepy and she thinks you want to play.How am i to reject her right? The first few times i gave in to her and the bitterness inside grew, after that i knew i had to be firm . No one understands you more than i do and even till today i am learning..But i do know granny means well ultimately, even though i do not like her and will not like her, i am sure you will enjoy your times with her when you are older.

I really had no encouragement except my own determination to pick up my courage to even pick you up in the first place cause you look so fragile. First was jaudice, then your nose, then you ezcema, then thrush. Wham Wham Wham. they hit me hard. i got so frantic everytime. i cry when i think too much. then i thought , i will never want to let this child suffer like me. having asthma. Not being able to breathe and think that you can die. I had that feeling when walking to school during primary school days , when i suddenly had an attack. i tot i would die right there and then and then being hospitalised in pri 4. :( No , i never will want you to suffer like i did.Never.

N so i must breastfeed. But my milk ss is not encouraging. all the fenugreek, well only 2 caps a day, but i guess i will increase the intake, and the time when i pumped till my nipple bled, and and the bruises and the sore ego cause i know other mothers have more milk. but i will not give up. till you are one. i hope and i really hope i have the perseverance to continue.:) i am getting more milk plus caps soon, and hope that will help.I have turned into a log freak, logging down the amount expressed and logging down every other thing like when you poo, you pee , when you are awake , when you sleep, how much you drink. All that only mummies understand....

You are a lucky child being the first grandson in the family with everyone doting you. But mummy was not grinning by the side. With 9 months or sacred relationship with you , all of a sudden, i had to share you with everyone. I had a hard time adjusting. During the time when i was inconfinement, i had this crazy idea to whisk you away to Ritz carlton so i can rest and look after you . Just da 2 of us...no daddy even.But if i look after you , how i rest. haha... so the postnatal bluish mum gave up the idea.

Dylan... i love u. :) Will want the best for you but i hope that u will grow up to be a fine young man. :) ( secretly i hope i dun end up spoiling you---easier said than done when you are a mummy.i had a longer relationship with you compared to the others, still remember the times you were in my tummy and only wanted to sleep on the left...i had back ache everyday, but i told myself, 3 drjune....all i had to do was 3rd june...and now that you are here....i have gotten myself 18 years of anticipation and learning journey. :) You have really changed my life and daddy's too.

Love, mummy