I lost my freedom... one dear friend asked me for coffee tonight and i could not go cause i had to make Dylan sleep. Anyway nowadays even if i am out, my mind will constantly be thinking of Dylan , wat's he doing, did he drink? did he cry alot? can the maid handle? that explains the atrocious amt of my tele bills when i was in taiwan. Guess that's the px to pay for going out, talking about getting some fresh air huh.

Anyway.... i am still up here. decided to blog cause i am gonna do stg very exciting tonight. I AM GONNA STAY UP AND OBSERVE DYLAN! yeah...it's also becus i cant sleep. my head is so pain and i took panadol extra( comes with caffeine) ...so i just expressed manually and then made myself a cup of coffee. i have been taking coffee lately, after 1 year of not doing so? i think 9 months ( preggie)plus 5 months
( breastfeeding)...well i still am gonna breastfeed partially, but not as dilligent as before, one thing is cause Dylan is reaching the 6 months milestone , so the guilt trip is not as bad as before.You know , i think i could have done better but i did not know how to cope as a first time mother, no prior experience, have not done any reading and no advice on bfing right after Dylan was born.I had colostrum coming out even before the operation and i was one of the lucky few to have milk rightaway after baby was out, but i was not fully aware that i had to pump constantly to keep my supply up. i did not know how much was good enough, i actually did pump, but i stop when i hit like 30ml. silly me, i thought that that would have been enough, silly me, i din think of storing the milk, silly me, i din know i should have emptied the breast. hmmmm. oh ya, and the first few nights at the hospital was SI BE CHAM.at night i had to press the button for the nurse to come in to give me the pump cause i was engorged. ( second day) pump and pump also nothing come out. BLOCKED DUCTS! i felt flushed and hot and pain. the pits too. so i had to use cold cabbages. then the next day, the Lactation consultant came and pressed and it was such a relief after that. i tell you , as she was pressing away , i was crying away---so darn painful....then when i was discharged, i had to cope with baby blues, my c section pain, my MIL, the confinement nanny....i cant remember exactly whether i was pumping dilligently enough, but my supply did increase alot.i think after a while when i regained my mobility to go up and down the stairs, i spent more time on the baby than pumping. silly me...if only. anyway.there will not be another " if only" .....

uh oh....Dylan just moved. i just popped the pacifier back into his mouth and patted him...he slept at 7pm...i was singing to him like 10 minutes and then i saw his eye lids getting heavier, i tot i wanted to try to sing till he sleep on my hands ---supporting his head, and body on my lap, but he got tad frustrated after a while so i put him on my chest and he slept within a minute....so i brought him upstairs, ate my dinner, din even finished it, and he started moving again....arms flailing...so i had to quickly pat him before it turns full blown... anyway it was not good enough, he woke up at 7.thirty. i think because at 5 plus he drank breastmilk( not filling enough) so he was hungry. so he lapped up 180ml at 8 pm....went to sleep.woke up again at 10 thirty!....this time i was not sure cause he drank at 8 you see, but patting, rocking and the pacifier din work, so i gave him milk , he drank up almost 120ml of it. weird huh...he was hungry. then slept. stirred at midnight, and i decided to get up and do this thing i am doing now...since then it has been patting and arms flailing and pacifier popping...anyway, this might be exciting for now....not too sure for later..once my butter cookies and caffeine runs out.plus i have dental appt tommorow. hiak...to finish my root canalling.