jus made dylan have a nap...now sitting down , thinking about how horrible i was yesterday. i just dunno why sometimes i cant control these moods, rage, tiredness. shouted at wl last night when dylan woke up , really pissed off that he couldnt carry or pacify dylan, but i think i am in the wrong too. i should not have shouted. dylan cried even louder after that, and somemore in front of maid. sigh. he cried, i cried. i was just telling wl earlier how stress i was in making dylan sleep cause he will wail everytime before he sleeps, most of the times at least and plus the 1 and 2 hours waking at night, leave me exhausted, my health is not tip top to begin with. the worse is i feel even lousier that i am not working and yet cant even cope with this .i feel jealous each time i go out and see a guy handling a baby so confidently, yet my own husband cant, but i dunno why, he just cant do it? he can burp , feed, but just not pacify him and i am so flexed. worse, i am such an anal person not to let it off easily, i hate myself for being such an ass at these times, i really am not like this before. REALLY!. mom says it's cause i am really not prepared at motherhood....plus dylan is a high need baby, and i had a wrong way of making him sleep thru, plus accidental parenting of patting.....sigh. i wish i knew everything before dylan was born, at least i could have been prepared! good gracious. now i just hope everything will be smoother after making dylan sleep in the renovated room instead of the living room.oh great.. dylan just woke...