Hands off!!!

i think the money i make from the market is going to be used on employing a nanny if i really cant cope when the confinement lady is gone....lol. i cant imagine myself carrying him to sleep, feeding every 2 hours, sterilising the bottle, changing diapers, and singing him to sleep 24 hours...ooooh. call me not good a mom, but i think i am human. Dylan does not jusdrink and sleep, he wants to be carried( blame it on the maid, the lady and my mother inlaw who had spoilt him) ......hmmmm anyway, let's see how will i cope on the 17th of july...



As much as i dont want to introduce the pacifier, i think i might have to do it when the lady is gone...

i have done some things for myself.....have gone to the mango sale, visited BYSI. www.by-si.com , rebonded my hair ( cus it was all frazzled after the pregnancy and SG's rotten weather) and this sat , which is tommorow, i am gonna dye it copper brown. hahaha....hopefully in time to come i will lose the tummy.. i cant do any thing to it now cause i have a wound there from C section and the uterus has not completely shrunk, but one thing good with c section is that you dont bleed for months like mothers who have gone through natural birth...



my worry is my diminishing milk supply cus i have not been dilligent enought to wake up in the night to pump hence not establishing my milk supply, and also Dylan's nose..he still has those stuff inside, and he makes a noise occasionally when he breathes , babies aint supposed to do that,so everyday , i have to use the nasal aspirator to suck the mucus out..inspite of his struggles and cries.



i look forward to the baby massage for Dylan...that will be interesting. hopefully it makes him more comfortable... and my turn soon, i will be calling the malay masseuse to come to my place to knead my fats off. lol....

So ....it has been days since i wrote , in fact, it has been days since i went online to surf.. and have my daily dose in people's blogs, the superficial and share forums...

i have been busy with baby Dylan and adjusting to a life which does not soley belongs to me anymore. There is a difference between living with the in laws when you are not pregnant , versus, when you are pregnant and versus when you have given birth. If you ask me, i would say the latter is the worse if you have one who listen to alot of what the aunties in the market say.

Baby Dylan has to bathe in Guniess Stout cause even my hubby has agreed to it. They claimed that it helps to " cool " him down.....OH WHATEVER.....

and then when Bb Dylan refused to sleep at night, the C. lady told my mother in law the reason is because he has a lot of poison in his stomy and he has to have some herb bath to expel the poison...WHADDAFUG. and she also says that he refuses to sleep cus i had refused to let her clean Dylan's tongue......another WHAADAFUG. i mean stop putting words in my mouth and be a double headed snake and tell my mother in law rather than telling me straight.

and then , she sorta claims ownership to Dylan, keep offering people to carry him ... and keeps disturbing him ( in front of guest ) to try to make him smile when Dylan is obviously sleeping... ( oh what are you trying to prove) .....You might think i am hyper sensitive here, but unless you become a mother, you will not understand. And so this morning i tactfully reminded her again all the dos and donts, i hope this Lady remembers.....i really made sure i did it in a way so that i din offend her, or was i not assertive enough? we shall see....

sigh....looking after him is really an endless cycle.so ironic, yet i love him so much.

Please Remember......


When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and > said, I've got something to tell you. > She sat down and ate quietly. > Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. > Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know > what I was thinking. > "I want a divorce!" I raised the topic calmly. > > She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, > "Why"? >

> I avoided her question. > This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, > you are not a man! > > That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. > I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I > > could! hardly give her a satisfactory answer, she had lost my heart to a > > lovely girl called Dew. > I didn't love her anymore..I just pitied her! > >



With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated > that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. > She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent > ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for > her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I > had said for I loved Dew so dearly. > > Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected > to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of > divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and > clearer now. >


> The next day, I came bac! k home very late and found her writing something > at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell > asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew. > > When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not > care so I turned over and was asleep again. > > In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want > anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She > requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a > life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a > months time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. > > This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to > recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. > She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her ! out of > our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going > crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd > request. > >



I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and > thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to > face the divorce, she said scornfully. > > My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was > explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we > both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy > in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to > the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in > my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, don't tell our son about > the divorce. I nodded, fe! eling somewhat upset. I put her down outside > the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the > office. > > On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my > chest.. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I > hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realised she > was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair > was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I > wondered what I had done to her. > >



On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy > returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. > On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was > growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry > her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday work-out made me &! gt; stronger. > > She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few > dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my > dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so > thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. >



Suddenly it hit me, .. she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her > heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. > > Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. > To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an > essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer > and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I > might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, > walking from the bedroom, through the! sitting room, to the hallway. Her > hand surrounded my ne ck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, > it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me > sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a > step. Our son had gone to school. > I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked > intimacy. > >



I drove to office... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the > door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked > upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not > want the divorce anymore. > > She looked at me, astonished. Then touched my forehead. Do you have a > fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I > won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I > didn't value the details of our lives, ! not because we didn't love each > other any more. Now I realise that since I carried her into my home on > our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. > Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed > the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. > > At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my > wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and > wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart. > >




The small details of your lives are what really matter in a > relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property , the money in > the bank, blah..blah..blah. These create an environment conducive for > happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be > your spouse's fri! end and do those little things for each other that > build intimacy.

To my mother in law

Seriously.... Dylan is my blood and flesh and not yours.As much as you care for him i bet mine is a gazillion times more. In fact it is inmeasurable. The problem i face is that really i am overwhelmed by motherhood and how vulnerable Dylan is. And after his jaundice, comes this bout of breathing probs. My heart wrenches you know???!!!! First of all, you did not look after your kids, it was your mother... and so what makes you think you are that right in all your freaking beliefs?Besides you did not even breast feed! How would you even know how tiring it is? And how much trouble i really go through to get those freaking milk out.

Really . i am inexperiebnced. and so i rahter believe what the doc say rather than to fall prey toyou old wives tale.you know!!!!So stop your nonsense really and please give me some decent respect as a mother.

True you pay for the confinement lady , i am eating and living off you . You think i want to do that??? It is because i have no choice but to live with this family!!! What i eat for breakjfast till dinner has to be dictated by you guys. i wan a balance diet so i can actually have good breast milk for Dylan ibnstead of all the herbal stuff inside. WHo cares wheter i am old and aching or whatso ever unless Dylan is healthy.And herbs if given wrongly can cuase mroe harm than good. True ,,.,... during confinement you ahve to eat heaty stuff. but look at it!!! It cause me to have flu. and since i secretly stopeed drinking the Dom and stuff , i have recovered. and now i even bring a bottle of water up!Relly how you expect me to tell you i dun want to drink the wine.You all will just blame me.
And what is worse. I live in your house. I cant very well lose my temper at you. How will my husband feel? Everytime i complain. till i am sick of complaining too. i bet he is sick too. But how how how.You just go to work. and night time. you come back and want Dylan. If youare tghat great...oh please quit your job.
__________________________________________________________


To my mother:

Oh really.You are another one of a kind. Blaming me if things go wrong and saying that i am too kan jiong over Dylan. You totally dont understand me at all!!!. You know how much i pray every ngiht for him. How scared i am.You just dun understand. But on hindsight. ikudos to you for bringing us up.I really wonder how you did it. I am half a nervous wreck just standing and looking already.
Also i dont even know whether to blame youa not for not helping to look after DYlan. ALL i hear of from other mothers is that their mother in laws and mothers help to look after the kid. You know how much i trust you? Yet you cant do it for me. It hurts me so much you know. N then again , you fall sick easily. I really dont know.Who to turn for help really!



____________________________________________________________________
To my Confinement lady

Oh please stop curry flavouring my mother in law and be a yes woman to whatever she says. I am sick and tired of your freaking beliefs and we certainly do not see eye to eye on a lot of things. What i am grateful for is just that you do look after Dylan well. But.....please LISTEN UP to what i tell you and stop screwing up on the instructions.


___________________________________________________________________

To my husband.

you know that i am putting up with alot. I guess you know and you see. I can tell you are arleady helping alot during the weekend. But has it occured to you i am really a wreck inside and i am very panicky. I want to help but i am so scared i do wrong to Dylan?

I feel like i am a failure. really! so what if i have given birth to dylan. i cant even loofk after him and then alot of time you lose your temper. You dun realise it but it is true. N i am the very sensitive sort you should know by now. What i need from soembody close to me is really the support and agreement in thing i dun eye to eye with. i din kill anyone so why raise your voice ?
Your tone....

....Made some new resolutions with regards on my life:
I'll try ok?... to my very best...


1) I am quite sick of showing my vulnerable side to weiliang and not getting the emphathy or hug or pat on the shoulder. What he does is sits down and gets fed up cus i am tearing and then he tries to solves the prob. Not that he should not , but i wish a hug or two automatically from him can be thrown in. So i am sick of it, and will not tell him anything anymore.



2) Sime people say i should be glad getting the extra help from the in laws , the maid, the confinement lady....but i have yet to bond with my child cuase i am always around people... always. i cant have alone time with him , when i bring him up to bed room , he does not like it. Still i will perservere. I kinda hate the maid, when i breast feed , she squats down inches away and watches.And you know me, i usually dun tell people off in the face. ( Tha's my fault) As a mother , i think i am a failure for not knowing how to care for him properly, no one has really made me feel confident of it, i used to think i can do it, but seeing how fragile and vulnerable a baby is , i am really scared. Unless you are a mother, i guess you wun know how i really feel. And then when i see other people carrying him with ease , i feel like shit. It does not help when your own husband says you lack of practice and how lilian and doreen managed to do it by themselves.Even my own mother is not helping me look after him. sigh i dun want to say more.




3)So afterall i will be back here in SG. i think i will go back to work. Weiliang still does not know or feel the tiredness and sacrifice staying at home looking after a baby as much as he thinks he does. Sometimes i wish i married a female who emphatises more because it is in their nature.
4) Okie i dun dun really the wardrobe anymore because it is depressing.... but i guess i will go back to my normal self in sept when i stop breast feeding. and my uterus disappears. time... la temps....
5) Weiliang does not not know that post natal blues are not in my control.IHATE HIM!HATE HIM!!!


Actually.....i really cant wait for Dylan to grow a bit older...when he is of a decent size.. then i wun be so scared... cause i know i can handle kids of at least a year old.In fact i am good at it. it is just that i am worried by then Dylan will be so attached to his caretaker that he forgets his own mother. But if i dun go to work , i will go crazy and i think wl wun even appreciate me staying at home.I am worth a 1600. Plain cash and no feelings.

i need a break very soon. Firstly i have given away my body for 9 whole months... next... my boobs does not belong to me anymore at least for the next 4 months when i breast feed. i have to regularly express milk cause if i dun i will have engorged breasts and then fever and .pain....dun want that.and why do i express instead of direct breast feeding? cus Dylan always falls alseep after 5 minutes of suckling. and wake up cry and wanna suckle again , fall asleep and wake up cry. if i let him be. the whole process will take like an hour, and i wun even know how much he drinks.

also i hate looking at my tummy...it is still like i am pregnant and i have a scar. not that i mind the scar. but my tummy still hurts at time. i thank God though i can walk ard already.

i hate my hair. cus it is so dry now... ugh and boofy.

hate hate hate it. i cant fit into most of my previous dresses also. not that i look fat now. but i hate not being able to fit into my old clothes anymore. yeah i know it is not the end of the world but you cant blame me for being glum ok..

so i will pamper myself in 11 days time! A hair rebond and dye.ugh dunno how long will it take but i bet the first thing i have to do is rush home after the salon to express again. * shrug* Dylan's one month old mummy must look good too ya. :D

dun really care how wada thinks already. he does not know how much he can do an impact on me. wish sometimes he can say dear you still look beautiful to me. ahhahahha.. i think that day all my stocks will rise 50 percent.

Been drowning myself and trying to escape during the free times in the Korean dramas....

baby is here. and after wedding... everything is like an anti climax now. and no more love in the air. seems like an arduous journey ahead of me, especially at the times when Dylan cries and i dunno what to do, like i have already fed him. I keep thinking how i will cope after the c. lady goes.

dear seems so caught up with his job , his changes in his job , that he dun really ask me how i cope anymore.I know his relocating back here is also for the benefit of me, but somehow i think that , i dun really play a part, cause if there is a more attractive package overseas, he wun give it up for me and Dylan.

and then especially this weekend.. he does not need to stay till sunday but he still stayed. i din say anything cause i tot he might need a breather, but how i wish he had taken the initiative not to stay instead. sometimes i get quite sick of spellin things out. isnt it only natural for the father to want to spend more time w his new born and wife rather than going to Macau. On the context of gambling and making more money, i dun need that. I am pretty satisfied w what i have got, but what is he thinking? why so greedy?it is also not as if he is in dire straits to have to gamble for money.and then when i call, i get blamed. it is not as if i called persistently, he din even call back throughout the day to check on me. if he thinks leaving me with the confinement lady is enough, i might as well marry her.Right?

i feel so sad. i need a hug now. i wish Dylan can reach out and say mama dun cry.

Things are getting better now... At least i learn not to panic when i hear Dylan cry... carry him , feed him by bottle , or breast feeding, burp him , change his diapers... The only thing i have yet to do is to bathe him....Anyway. My day starts early everyday , i watch the confinement lady like a hawk.. dun really trust her yet. Especially when she cleans Dylan's tuny mouth ....seems to be gagging him. I wonder what his jaundice level is now.. but i hope he gets it in control . Dylan baby... you promise mama you be strong boy ya.:D

Dear is back in hk now....good. so i need not step over him at night when i wake up . ugh.Anyway, i wonder why he likes to sleep so much. So irritating. I should be the one sleeping more , yet he keeps saying he is tired tired. Ya, i know he works in the day....but still. hiyah. let's see how when the C.Lady is gone. dunno he will help me willingly without being asked anot. .....* shrug*

I get very cranky nowadays, teary sometimes. ahahha for no reason . Oh dun worry, i wun kill the baby or myself, funny thing is that i find that when i cry , i tend to express more breast milk. lol. Maybe i am really stressed up .

I am so superstitious... that even when choosing the colour of the fonts i dare not use YELLOW cuase it reminds me of JAUNDICE....LOL

anyway.......just to not down some confinement myths here :) which i dont practise at all....Some might say i will regret it later when i am an old lady... but i have living proofs that these are all bull shit.

1) Cannot drink water ---wait ( lest) winde enter the stomach
2) Cannot wash hands wait wind enter your joints
3) Cannot shower for a whole month
4) Cannot sit on the floor wait wind enter your body
5) Cannot walk ard bare foot wait wind enter you stomach
6) Cannot eat male ( i forgot or is it female chicken?) chicken---very " du" poisonous and cause wounds to be inflammed
7)Must drink more brandy or DOM
8) Cannot praise baby in front of him wait he becomes conceited and naughty
9) Cannot bring baby in front of mirror and let him see , wait he does not want other people to carry him in future.
10) Must brush teeth for baby by using a hanky to clean his gums and the white stuff ( tar tar) on his tongue( my god ----where are the teeth in new borns)?

Hi Wittlewabbit



Wow...amazing...i realised i'm not the only one who have the same problem.hmmm...well when i was still on my confinement bout a month ago~ i too had the same stress as u.


1* living with in laws were never easy...for me, i just tried to hide in my room and avoid seeing them but well...my MIL mentioned that i'm rude to stay in the room and never go downstairs greet them when they come home or even join them for dinner downstairs. Well ahem...i had C-sec and like dozens of pple say i shld walk around...and den another dozens of pple say i shld lie in bed...well wad contradictions right? Anyway...simple just act blur.




My MIL even tried to apply some weird lotion on baby and guess wad~!! the lotion expired in yr 1999!!!! i told her no and she keep saying its ok. end up i hid the bottle away and told her that doc gave a diff medication and cant mix medication. Thus she reluctantly gave in.2* I also had stubborn confinement lady. I too wished i cld terminate her svcs but unfortunately she is employed by my mom. Well not that she is really bad...just that she is very naggy and very nosey about every single detail in my hse...like why the house so big and yet no big pail. why i didnt get more small face cloth for baby. (and yeah this is my first child and i'm pretty young when it comes to motherhood). Well i manage to get thru it by ignoring everything she say.


My MIL wanted me to drink DOM 24/7...coz i had many pple giving me DOM. A total bottle of 5 bottles...not including my 2 bottles of hard liquor soak with ginseng...8 bottles of rice wine!!! Baby was having heat rash...thus i told my MIL i cant take DOM coz doc mentioned that its too heaty~hahahaha although technically its not true~



4* My baby boy also had very high jaundice...he was admitted to hospital on the 6 day after he was born as his jaundice level was 264. Well...i tried all sorts of method. Put him under the sun, bathe him in "ke" (some kind of flower for baby to bathe), bathe him in guiness stout, gave him winter melon strips boil in water, go temple pray...etc and NOPE~ baby's jaundice is just as high. I was already desperate and to top it up, baby's buttocks was flamming red even 2 trips to his pedeatrician costing us $200+ doesnt help. I stopped BM and put baby on FM and yup within a matter of 2 days, his buttocks was back to normal. And within 1 week, his jaundice was back to normal. And dont worry, my baby's jaundice was there for about 3 weeks. Dont worry to stop BF even though the docs might disagree...i merely stop my baby for 1 week till his jaundice went down and he's back on BM again.Just be diligent and go for blood test to make sure it is going down.Sorry for being so lengthy but hope all these helps.

Things are getting better day by day. My mom came over this morning bringing a bouncer so we can put zhai zhai on it to sun .... unfortunately...it rained, so the sunlightwas not that strong. ...Anyway ,i noticed a bad habit of his today. He likes to fall asleep while suckling...and then wake up a few minutes later crying to suckle again....hmmm. but boy aint i am glad to let him in a way, in this way the boobies dun feel so choked and hard. lol



Yeah.....i am worried about his jaundice level . the last time was yesterday , that it peaked to 199. i dunno but i hope it will go down . I have been diligently recording down his pee, poo and drinking sessions.... made sure he is fed 3 hourly and he does wet his diapers to at least 6 , 7 times... sigh. Dun tell me not to be worried... as a mother, how can i not be?

anyway. i regretted hiring this confinement lady ...she is this traditional type who asks alot of questions about my family, trying to curry favour me , and naggy. Should have hired one from thomson medical instead. But i do appreciate i do have someone to help and not needing to pay.so i am not suppose to complain so much.* shrug*



My mother in law is also getting on my nerves. i am trying to hold my cool really regarding the practices involving the baby... like she will go to the market and ask this ask that, and want to try it out on the baby, well , her intentions are good, but i mean..... it's just not right. Just like giving baby to drink water first if he wakes up and not his feeding time. I told her it is not right cause it can upset the sodium level in babies and cause a seizure... but then she keep insisting... bloody hell. Till that day when she brought zhai to the clinic to check his jaundice level, i told her to ask the doc....and presto.. it worked.

I feel so horrid. i am caught in between . She keeps using the phrase" He is your son , but he is also my grandson..." till i am quite sick of it. i mean yes, it is true. but arent i the one who carried him around for 9 months? and had an operation for him? Good gracious.... i can understand the fact that she is proud that it is her first grandson....but she ought to respect my wishes.That is my stand.



Also i feel bad enough that i am not paying for the helper...so i dun wanna voice out too much about what food i think i should eat. It is lucky that dear has an option of moving back to SG....or i think w/o him i think i cant hold it in for long.. i am even reconsidering staying with the inlaws in future...


on a better note... zhai zhai had his first laugh today. he was being held by the c.day after feeding , my mom and the maid were ard him, and then all of a sudden he started laughing... or chuckles more like it... then everyone started laughing....immediately his laugh turned into a frown.....hehe isnt it funny? :D

cant sleep. feel like shit. smell like shit. It is a freaking conspiracy here.....the water pipe has screwed up in GILMAN HEIGHTS...and it is taking days to repair cause the place is privatised, as long as things are not under govt, you can forget abt it being repaired fast enough.....which means that i cannot sneak to wash my hair!!!!!!!. I can smell my hair and my breast milk every freaking nite....i hate it. and i cant sleep in low air con...or neither can i have a fan blowing at me....so can you imagine. life is freaking hell.....i just hope things get solved within this week, so that i can at least shut the bathroom doors to wash my hair secretly..as i am not supposed to. screw confinement rules...hygiene comes first

sigh ....next i am worried about my son...the jaundice level. it came down today....but still not good enough... just hope and pray he poos and pees more....i am starting breastf eeding again instead of pumping. and it certainly does help letting down of milk. just hope my cesarean wound recovers faster so i can walk up and down the freaking stairs without having to clutch my stomach and not feel faint.you see.. my baby sleeps downstairs w the confinement lady and i dun trust her very much cus she is quite stubborn. but ...sigh it has only been a week. lets see how....

hubby is gonna return back to hk in a week.....hopefully i can cope well by then.

Gosh!.....i hate myself for worrying so much!

Here pain , there pain, wrist pain, fingers pain, C section wound pain, Breast pain, and heart pain......

my baby is still a lodger at the nursery under the blue light. But he is a strong boy :D His birifudin level has dipped since day 4 and he is drinking well from the cup, and also peeing and pooing well. He is also smart... knowing how to suckle and put his fist to his pouting small mouth... Only thing is that he is a sleepy head...

I've seen him smile twice.. once was when i held him and rocked and sang to him. the other time in his cot. My heart stopped and melted... it was like angel's.....

Kaijie... mummy , cant wait to see you ok? U be strong and remember mummy loves you alot. and she is waiting for you at home..:D




___________________________________________________________________

BIRTH STORY



Admitted in to labour ward on sat 10 am to be induced.... went in , they violated me with a pessary tablet to induce labour...---to open the cervix . Cervix opens if you have contraction . ...my contractions came ...qutie powerful but... i din even feel much pain. weird huh... or maybe my pain threshold is good. the irritation was they did an IV for me on my left wrist and it heurst like shit cause i cant shirt my wrist. so immobile. and they kept doing CTG which mean putting 2 bands ard me to check for fetal heart beat and the contractions and every time i had to lie down 2 hours for them to check.......sigh... so i was induced and waited to 6 pm.. on sat for doc to check-----NO DIALATION!!!!!!

So they popped a second tablet in......CTG again.... * groan* and then waited till 5 / 6 am when i tot i peed on my bed.... nope! i called the nurse and she said water bag burst! i was damn happy ....thinking at least i have something going man...but when the doc checked..no dialation.......DAMMIT! -----i told my dear. i think i am going for c section , i dun wanna wait anymore. my patience is running out and i am very tired mentally and physically. i think the contractions are driving my baby crazy too....

Doc said ok! and he said how about 9.30 am? i was like ----so early???? He said he would eat his breakfast and come back....* grin* ....then i started to panick....gosh...i was really going in. and worse they din allow dear to acc me into the theatre. i called my mom, and cried ..was scared... i dunno for what but just scared... to be alone....

but in the end when the time came....i asked again for hubby to acc me . they said if it is emergency--- hubby cannot go in . i was like-- what the hell? mine is semi elective ok.. not emergency. so i said why dun u ask Dr Yam-- the senior consultant , my gynae... ( i know these pple cant make decision or too scared to make decision cause they are small flies) . and in the end. doc said OK!.....Mummy also came down to see me. and Hubby got changed...


I was brought into the op theatre to be prep first. i din take an epidural but a spinal block instead. there are so many indemnity forms to sign.... and after that nurse told be to curl my body up so anaesthetician can see my spine. damn pain alright---to curl cuase i have contractions and a big tummy... then the needle went in. I was shivering....not due to cold but due to the drug.....and they did an IV for me, check my BP ....There was this nurse called WU DANG....i think she should be called WU QING...... she was so rough on me... did my bp on the same hand as IV....what the hell ....

soon hubby came in and he was also dressed up / cleaned up in surgical uniform....he hid behind the screen with me. hehe...... he was also freaking out with me....hehe....i could feel tugging and pulling but nothing else other than that. I was also constantly shivering ......then suddenly...i felt a tremendous pressure on my tummy and i almost choked... the next thing i knew i heard my baby's cries.....then my hubby had to go out..........

He managed to cut the cord though.:P Will put a video here asap.

U go boy.....All mummy wants from u now is to drink up , pee and pooo all that toxic out ok? I miss u so much...

DO I WORRY TOO MUCH?


I din have a good sleep last night...---i realise that there is someone living behind the air con ..last night when i was watching Princess hours halfway, at the corner of my eyes, i saw a dark figure entering the back of the air con..... and worse when i went to the bathroom , i saw the nymphs partying underneath the mat again, and they have the cheek to continue when i turn on the lights!. ..It gets really frustrating cause when u wanna kill these things, they are gone like the wind, but when you are not paying attention, they are out gallavanting again!!!!How to make the place cleaner and safer!!!!! Have already strewn place w pandan leaves and the repellent.....Next straw, i will call the pests busters in.Dammit man...

Next is...i think my pregnancy is causing some of my hormones to make me impatient with some mothers who are just so blur.... i just dun understand some of the things which i feel as a mom you ought to read up , and the silly questions they ask. Or am i being too kiasu...? I read, i prepare.. i try to imagine how life be like w bebe in Hong Kong and the temperature there...and then i ask on the forum about getting a heater cum humidifier----my goodness---some of them tot i was asking for dehumidifier!!!!My gosh ...how *** can u get----why would i need a dehumidifier if the heater dries up the air huh? Use your brains la....think abit wun harm rite? Also some tot i wanted to use the heater in August...cmon...amd i that stupid? Aug is scorching hot, i just want to know the brand so i can do my shopping in August when they have sale ,silly! Dun pple ever think in advance huh? * SHAKE HEAD* U mean u wait for the last minute to realise that your baby is too cold to rush out to buy a heater? Some mother you are.

Also.....what does the word " induced" means?-----really induced labour does not mean u cant have a natural birth.. but i am abhorred how many pple think induced mean no natural...hiyo... disclaimer u are not pregnant la, but then again, isnt the phrase induce LABOUR self explanatory... not induce C-SECTION!....hiyo..my patience almost ran out when i had to explain that more than once...

PPLE OUT THERE....PLEASE GO READ A BIT MORE HOR.. WUN HARM ONE.