....Made some new resolutions with regards on my life:
I'll try ok?... to my very best...


1) I am quite sick of showing my vulnerable side to weiliang and not getting the emphathy or hug or pat on the shoulder. What he does is sits down and gets fed up cus i am tearing and then he tries to solves the prob. Not that he should not , but i wish a hug or two automatically from him can be thrown in. So i am sick of it, and will not tell him anything anymore.



2) Sime people say i should be glad getting the extra help from the in laws , the maid, the confinement lady....but i have yet to bond with my child cuase i am always around people... always. i cant have alone time with him , when i bring him up to bed room , he does not like it. Still i will perservere. I kinda hate the maid, when i breast feed , she squats down inches away and watches.And you know me, i usually dun tell people off in the face. ( Tha's my fault) As a mother , i think i am a failure for not knowing how to care for him properly, no one has really made me feel confident of it, i used to think i can do it, but seeing how fragile and vulnerable a baby is , i am really scared. Unless you are a mother, i guess you wun know how i really feel. And then when i see other people carrying him with ease , i feel like shit. It does not help when your own husband says you lack of practice and how lilian and doreen managed to do it by themselves.Even my own mother is not helping me look after him. sigh i dun want to say more.




3)So afterall i will be back here in SG. i think i will go back to work. Weiliang still does not know or feel the tiredness and sacrifice staying at home looking after a baby as much as he thinks he does. Sometimes i wish i married a female who emphatises more because it is in their nature.
4) Okie i dun dun really the wardrobe anymore because it is depressing.... but i guess i will go back to my normal self in sept when i stop breast feeding. and my uterus disappears. time... la temps....
5) Weiliang does not not know that post natal blues are not in my control.IHATE HIM!HATE HIM!!!


Actually.....i really cant wait for Dylan to grow a bit older...when he is of a decent size.. then i wun be so scared... cause i know i can handle kids of at least a year old.In fact i am good at it. it is just that i am worried by then Dylan will be so attached to his caretaker that he forgets his own mother. But if i dun go to work , i will go crazy and i think wl wun even appreciate me staying at home.I am worth a 1600. Plain cash and no feelings.